I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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