Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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