you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's shark week go big or go home
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
