Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
