the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
