You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
