It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
