No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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