If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
