She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
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Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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