toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
