put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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