When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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