I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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