and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
tell me about the eggs
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