I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
