There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
