Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
