Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
