dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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