The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
