Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
