Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
