i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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