I cockslap morals
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
