Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's shark week go big or go home
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
