We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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