Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
