Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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