I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need moral support for this bender
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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