I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
