lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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