Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize