Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
