Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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