You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
