am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
