A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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