My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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