Will you blow on my dice?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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