Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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