he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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