she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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