Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
