god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
