It's Friday. Sex?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
