Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
