I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
