The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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