At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
