I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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