I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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