I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
