sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
