Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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