i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Text me some of your sweat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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