He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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