I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
