There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
