my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
