I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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