I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
