Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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