"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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