me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
