I just saw a hot homeless man
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
