why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
