I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
